So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
