I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
