I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just gift wrapped bread.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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