Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize