he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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