I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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