Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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