just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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