just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
