I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize