he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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