just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
