apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I know her cup size but not her name....
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