I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
