i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
