i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
