So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
