we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
