I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
