My room smells like vodka and shame
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are all done wearing pants today
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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