I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sponge bath it is.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
