we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
