it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
