Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
