Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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