his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
