This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Randomize
