Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize