Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
