I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
