Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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