): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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