shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize