The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She bit a glass in half.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
