Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
