i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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