i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
