He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
