Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
