remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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