dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize