before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
