So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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