I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
