I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
