so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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