recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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