Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
