Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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