So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
