ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
