I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize