How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
