so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
