barbara walters just said penis...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize