your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
