i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
