Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
