Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
