I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
