yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
