Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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