One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
