butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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