He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
