Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
