Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love accidental penises.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
