My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
