idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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