maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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