hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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