this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
