I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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