i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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